What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 24.06.2025 05:54
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Strike by Safeway, Albertsons workers to start Sunday in 4 Colorado cities - The Denver Post
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Why do old men think young women and girls would want them over guys their own age?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I will be 64.
Why did my ex move on so fast, we have only been broken up for 2 weeks?
What did i know ?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
All the time i was locked up.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
My family never makes their pension either.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Does eating mushrooms cause skin breakouts?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
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I have no regrets .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
And i lived it daily.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Would this be the day?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Who then, do I blame.?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We were not on the streets..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I said to her
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I think the readers, may guess!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Put me off passion for life!!
We all went to grammer schools
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She was in good health!
One cannot live in the past .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So, i spoilt her more .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But it wasn’t much.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was seconnd youngest,
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I waited trembling.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She married twice! .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
When she asked me how she looked .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I could never make a relationship work though!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I was scared of men, in general
I couldn’t, believe it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My life is so biszare .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Comes on , in middle age.
I don,t even have a pension.
Especially a lifetime of it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
So whats the point in blame.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
This is soul school!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He resisted the act ,that day.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But, we were locked up after school.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
(And it was in our own minds.)
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im still living with it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
It was going to be , some day.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
She loved him until the end.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I write beautiful poetry .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He knew the spot.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Was to survive, this bastard.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I was very sick at this time too.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Ive learnt so much.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She wouldn,t have been !
She found it foreign!.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was 9 years of age.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .